Perhaps you've replayed various scenarios and potential solutions for a particular problem or situation in your head so many times that you've tired of even thinking about it? You've probably even told yourself that pursuing a solution for that problem is pointless and that any idea simply won't work. Yet, is this decision or change important to you? If the answer is a resounding "yes," don't hesitate to explore the following lines to help yourself find your own answer.
We live in a fast-paced world and sometimes the need for personal or professional change becomes increasingly urgent—sometimes prompted by circumstances beyond our control, other times, triggered by our own need of change. Your personal story and context may have many nuances. And what likely prompted you to continue reading is the difficulty of making a decision that you've long been contemplating. So let's get started.
Why decision making is so difficult for you?
You are not sure if it really matters to you.
Today, we are all subjected to an endless amount of information around us. More information than ever before - social media, books, best practices, training, seminars, workshops. Reading all these and trying to follow all the best practices and finally to make the "right choice", we forget even who we are and what we actually want. Sometimes we forget the connection with ourselves and what is important to us. As Simon Sinek says, just "Start with why?" Why is this decision important to you? Is it important to you at all, or is it important to someone else, to the society, to your professional ego, to the role you have given yourself? If this decision is truly important to you, but you still don't make it, then you are most likely "stuck" and the good thing is that you could make a step toward finding your solution.
When you feel stuck.
This is one of my favourite gifs:
Favourite, just because I found myself feeling on exactly the same way, so many times and in my head it illustrate best how feeling stuck look like. To feel stuck may mean many things to different people, but more common it may include lack of energy, disengagement, lack of any desire to look over our situation or making a small step toward finding a solution. In same cases it may be also known depression, burnout, anxiety, apathy. No matter the symptoms or labels we attach, the essence remains the same: the decision or the initial move doesn't come. Change may appear unnecessary, yet we find ourselves discontented with our current state and actions. Does this resonate with you?
Fear.
Fear is an essential part of our lives and it shouldn't be ignored. It's the part of us that helps us make decisions that are best for our survival. However our brain doesn't differentiate between real danger and imagined ones; it activates the fight, flight, or freeze response in various situations, not all of which are life-threatening. If we perceive our decision as a threat, then making that decision would indeed be difficult or emotionally challenging, which you might want to avoid. Fears can be numerous and deeply rooted in the subconscious - fear of failure, fear of the unknown, fear of criticism, fear of success, and to overcome them, you first need to understand them and whether they control you or you can actually learn and benefit from them.
But what to do instead?
Start with your "Why?"
Understanding what you truly want is much more challenging than clarifying what you do NOT want. However, if you're seeking change, it's essential to genuinely answer the first question. For instance, if it's about a professional change, you can start with a simple question like "Why do you work?" "Why is your job important to you?" "Why this particular profession?" "Why you want that change?". The options are many, and after a little analysis of your "why," I'm sure many new nuances will unfold. Then, you can build on it with knowledge, facts, and analysis. Finding your "why" is the key before moving further.
If you really want that change - a little trick could help.
As mentioned earlier, our brain desires us to be in a secure and protected environment, as we are biologically wired to seek means of protection from the predatory lion that could attack us at any moment. Even though we don't live in cave conditions anymore, we still perceive the world around us as a threat. Yes, our brain still operates in the same survival mode, making it challenging for us to entertain the terrifying thought of change, decision, or step. That's why the first step is to calm our minds. To do this, you need some time to step away from the situation, practice yoga, walk in nature, detach from the noise, breathe in and out, and only then consider the different options. There are many practices that involve mental fitness aimed at regaining control over our thoughts. Try it out. And in return, you'll get the answers you're looking for.
Go beyond your list of pros and cons. Talk it out!
Sometimes, the change or situation appears worse in our minds than it is in reality. To discover your own answers, simply... talk. You can begin with your partner, friends, or anyone you trust and feel might offer advice, support, or simply listen with the empathy you need. Additionally, consider seeking professional mental health support or coaching, where you'll find a safe space to voice your fears and explore solutions without judgment.
What I hope you take away today is the awareness that the combination of facts, analysis, calmness, and clarity about your "why" would provide a wonderful starting point for making those decisions you've long been looking for. If you still want to start with your small first step toward finding the decision you are looking for, I am here to help you!